thus making me awesome and them whores
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Alive.
So much puke
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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