smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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