He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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