My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
