69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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