i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
