Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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