Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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