Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
