2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I looked at my own cervix.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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