Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
hell yes lets make some ravioli
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
