he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We need a shit load of segways right now
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If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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