I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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