how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
