i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
