Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
