My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
