You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
