my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
