Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
