He uses pillows to masturbate.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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