Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
