my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
