WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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