Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
