Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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