Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
