can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
