when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
