I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
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The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
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Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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