Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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