She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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