It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
third nipple confirmed
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
