I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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