They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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