Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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