I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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