It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
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You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
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Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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