I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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