Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
