The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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