just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
