Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
