WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
don't judge my taste in strippers
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
