I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
