i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
