i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
