so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
