I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
