She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
