what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
