I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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