so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
