God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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