And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
whose ass print is on the piano?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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