saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
