got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
