booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
