Duck Duck Cougar?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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