the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
