Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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