I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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