Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
