btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
