Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize